It was forty-one years ago, as a precocious nine-year-old, that I decided I was an atheist. I was reading a book on Greek and Roman mythology when I began to wonder about the similarities and differences between the religions of Greece and Rome and that of Christianity. The book I was reading made clear the author’s belief that Zeus and Jupiter and their families of gods and goddesses were simply fables created to explain the many phenomena of nature that the people of Greece and Rome could not explain. So, I asked myself, why should I not consider the “God” of the Bible to be simply the result of the same process? The adults around me were of little help, advising me that I simply had to have faith that God was God and Jesus was his son and my savior. When asked why I had to have faith, the answer was a simple, “Because, that’s the way it is.”
That was not enough for me and the memory of the revelation that Santa Claus was not real, a disillusionment experienced a few years before, led me to conclude that I was not going to be fooled again. I would not believe in something simply because the adults in my life told me to, nor because it made me feel better to do so. If I was going to believe in something, it was going to be because I knew it to be true. And, thus, in the spring of 1967, when I was a precocious nine year-old, I ceased to believe in God and became an atheist.
I have experienced a bumpy ride since then, without the benefit of the seat belt of faith, and there were times, in despair and depression, that I weakened and tried to believe out of fear and hope. When I attempted recovery from alcohol and chemical abuse, I was told to “fake it ’till I made it.” I tried, but it has not been until recently, when I no longer felt the need to remain in the closet to my family as an atheist and to stop trying to fake it, that I have achieved long-term sobriety. I became clean and sober without superstition.
I “celebrated” my fiftieth birthday a few months ago, an event which, like my fortieth, has inspired a great deal of soul searching and introspection. Life has been challenging and many of these challenges were self-inflicted. I am on a journey of self-discovery now, learning how I have made mistakes, how others rightly or wrongly influenced the poor decisions I made, and studying the abuse I survived as a child and adolescent to learn what behaviors in which I now engage have their roots in the pain and self-loathing of my youth. I hope to share this journey with those who find my blog and I hope you, as a reader, will return and also share your own thoughts with me and others. Thank you!
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